Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Who Are The Victims Of Domestic Violence?

By Debbi Angocicco

Cases of domestic violence can be against of any age, sex, race, culture, religion, education, employment or marital status. Anyone can be a victim... anyone can be a prey. Even children who are not physically harmed, can be victims. Emotional and behavior problems may incur by children living in a home where there is domestic violence.

Who are the victims of domestic violence? (i) A person of color. You may be afraid of discrimination. You may be afraid of being blamed for going out of your community for help. You may feel hopeless because of the stigma that domestic violence happens only to women of color. Therefore, you will not receive any help. (ii) A lesbian, gay, or transgendered person. You may be afraid of having people know about your sexual orientation. You may be afraid of prejudice. You may think that the law does not acknowledge homosexual relationships. (iii) A physically or mentally challenged or elderly. You may depend on your abuser to care for you. You may not have other people to help you. You may believe that you deserve the abuse because you are somewhat a burden to your partner. (iv) A male victim of abuse. You may be ashamed and scared that no one will believe you. You may be afraid that people will think less of you and undermine your manhood. A person from another country. You may be afraid of being deported. You may be afraid of not being treated fairly in courts. (v) If your religion makes it hard to get help. You may feel like you have to stay and not break up the family. You may believe that it is a sin in the eyes of God to leave your partner. You may think that by forgiving your abuser will help him change. (vii) A teen. If you are a teen, you could be at risk if you are dating someone who: is very jealous and/or spies on you like breaking into your e-mail account and mobile messages; will not let you end the relationship or break up with him; hurts you in any way, is violent, or brags about hurting and bossing other people around; puts you down or makes you feel bad about having your own life; forces you to have sex or makes you afraid to say no to sex; abuses drugs or alcohol; pressures you to use drugs or alcohol; has a history of bad relationships and blames it on their exes. (viii) A child in a violent home. Most children in these homes know about the violence. Parents may think children do not know about the violence, merely because they are not in the same room when it happens. Children often know what happened. They do not have to be eyewitnesses per se. They may hear the pounding and screaming. They may feel the tension between you and your husband. Sometimes, they blame their selves for the violence. Children living with violence are helpless, scared and upset. (ix) If you are being stalked. Stalking is repeated harassment that makes you feel like a prisoner of fear. A stalker can be someone you are acquainted with or a complete stranger. They often bother people by giving them unwanted attention. This can take the form of phone calls or gifts, or following people by going to where they work or live. This is a threat not only to you, but to your family as well.

For teens, leaving their abuser can be very hard, especially if they they attend the same school. It will be very difficult for them to hide and avoid the abuser. More often than not, gay and lesbian teens feel isolated. They are more likely to keep to themselves the fact they they are being abused, as much as they want to keep their sexual orientation. There is help... if you are a teen, and you feel being abused by the person you are seeing or anyone from school... seek help. If you are scared, you can start telling your friends or anyone you can trust. Keeping it your yourself won't do any good. There is help for you.

Children living in homes where domestic violence resides can be equally damaged by just hearing and seeing the acts and results of violence. All that squealing, yelling and hitting are harmful to them, that they may feel bad because they do not have the strength to stop them. And even more worst is that they are afraid that they can be taken away from their home and live to another, away from their parents.

Children living where there is violence are often neglected, for a parent who is being abused is hurt to much to attend to the child's needs. Children who often witness violence may be unable to sleep and/or interact with others, because they are scared that they might experience the same. Children cannot overcome such problems on their own, they need help.

Being stalked, although no one is physically hurt, can be dangerous. You do not know what's on the stalker's mind, so the best thing to do is to seek help. Seek a Personal Protection Order (PPO) or immediately inform the police by: 1) telling the police every time the stalker makes contact with you; (2) keeping a book with you at all times so that you can write down the stalkers contacts; (3) saving phone messages from the stalker; (4) saving letters and gifts from the stalker; and (5) writing down information about the stalker, like the way they look, kind of car they drive and license plate number.

For more information about how to get help, call Common Ground Sanctuary: Toll Free 248.456.0909, 800.231.1127 or HAVEN: Toll Free 248.334.1274, 877.922.1274.

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